


Can't You See I'm Burning

by AnnetheCatDetective



Series: Give Me The News [14]
Category: St. Elsewhere
Genre: First Time, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Smut, they finally get into bed together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-21 04:09:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17635757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnetheCatDetective/pseuds/AnnetheCatDetective
Summary: Set IMMEDIATELY after the last, Victor and Jack's first time together.





	Can't You See I'm Burning

    The air feels electrified the moment their hands touch, and Jack’s hand is so warm when it wraps around Victor’s. So warm, so big, so that their hands fit together perfectly, and nothing’s ever felt as heavy with promise as this. Usually, Victor only finds out there’s a promise there when things are already happening, he never gets to enjoy the anticipation like this. Following Jack down the hall to the bedroom, focus zeroed in on him, on their joined hands, on the fluttery, nervous _desire_ he’s finally able to decipher, written across Jack’s face.

 

    “You want me?” He asks, wondering. “How long have you wanted me?”

 

    “Not sure. A while. Maybe-- maybe I had the thought that I could, when you were with Roberta, and I wasn’t ready for something… but maybe I had the thought that I could. That if things were different, you and I…” Jack blushes, gaze flickering away.

 

    “Oh. Oh, _Jack_ …”

 

    One long stride forward and they’re chest to chest and cheek to cheek, he has one arm around Jack’s waist, they’re so close. Still holding hands, but Jack’s other arm comes up around Victor’s shoulders. They breathe each other in a long moment, locked together. The bottomless _need_ that fills him has very little to do with sex, and everything to do with Jack, with being as close as humanly possible to Jack. Even the part of it that’s about sex is more about what he can do than what he can get, and the thought of having Jack helpless with pleasure beneath him, the thought of being able to do that for him…

 

    He deserves that, he really does. He deserves to be taken good care of, after everything. All the stress and the fear and the hurt that they’ve seen and felt, they both do, but Jack… Jack especially. More than anyone Victor knows, he thinks Jack deserves to be taken care of, _loved_.

 

    “Victor…” Jack nuzzles at his ear, his voice a warm whisper. “Victor, Victor… How long…?”

 

    “I’m not sure. You were married, so-- I just… I couldn’t think about you, not like-- And then you were… you were in mourning, and I was-- And then it just all hit me. Maybe always, I just couldn’t think about you…”

 

    “When did it hit you?”

 

    “When I realized I was making you dinner. And I just thought you deserved to have someone take care of you. And I thought I’d hate it when someone else came along to do it and I couldn’t. I just wanted it to be me… I just wanted it to be _us_ , and I’d-- I’d cook and clean and help with the baby, and… and maybe we wouldn’t… we just wouldn’t need anyone else.”

 

    Jack pulls back, letting go of Victor’s hand to be able to reach up and cup his cheek.

 

    “That’s… maybe one of the sweetest things anyone’s ever said to me.” He smiles. “We won’t need anyone else. I wanna take care of you, too.”

 

    “That’s maybe one of the sweetest things anyone’s ever said to _me_.” Victor admits, following Jack down to sit on the edge of the bed.

 

    “I’ll do better.” Jack kisses him.

 

    It’s short and it’s sweet. Just one gentle kiss before Jack pulls away and grabs the hem of Victor’s sweater, the look in his eye a very clear question.

 

    “Yeah.” Victor nods, cooperating with getting the sweater stripped off. Reaching for Jack the moment it’s out of the way, starting on his buttons.

 

    The kiss before may have been gentle, but when they start up again, it’s all heat. Jack fumbles Victor out of his tie and hawaiian shirt, Victor gets through all the buttons keeping him from ridding Jack of his own shirt-- only to find a tee shirt underneath, and he groans at the unfairness of it before tugging impatiently at the hem.

 

    The moment the tee is gone, they’re pressed right back up against each other, Victor going for Jack’s throat.

 

    “Jack, _Jack_ …” He gasps out between kisses. “I want this so much… You have no idea, I want--”

 

    “I want it, too, I want _you_.” Jack buries a hand in his hair, holds him tight. “Victor, all this time… I’ve been unsure, but I’ve been wanting… wanting to put myself out there to you. Half afraid you would say yes, half afraid you wouldn’t, but coming home to you, seeing you there… You fit in my life.”

 

    “Now _that’s_ the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” Victor shakes his head, pulling Jack into a kiss, deep and long before he presses him back down to the bed. He climbs on top of him, reveling in noise Jack makes, the look in his eyes, his big warm hands at Victor’s hips as he sits there straddling him, looking down at him. “I want to. Fit your life, to-- oh, Jack, it’s all I want.”

 

    He buries both hands in Jack’s hair, taking a little time just to admire him, flushed and half-naked, that familiar soft smile of his so much more with the heat in his gaze…

 

    “I’ve been thinking about this…” He slides his hands up, slow, mapping out Victor’s torso with a firm touch. “You know, I overheard you the other day, talking about the core and thigh workout you get from surfing?”

 

    Victor wheezes out a laugh, one hand leaving Jack’s hair to travel down his chest-- the other guiding him up as Victor bends down for another kiss.

 

    “I’ve been thinking about it ever since.”

 

    “About letting me give you that lesson?” He asks, as they break apart.

 

    “No.” Jack smiles, shaking his head. “Just about your thighs.”

 

    “And my core?”

 

    “Sure. And anything between your thighs and your core.”

 

    The laugh comes up again, and Victor ducks his head, blushing. “Okay, well, uh, it’s all yours.”

 

    “Good.” Jack continues the process of feeling him up, more thoroughly than he’s ever been felt up in his life.

 

    Is this what it’s like with a man? How had he gone so long without? How had he thought he’d never really need this? Oh, sure, he doesn’t think he’ll never appreciate a good-looking girl again just because he and Jack are together, though he doesn’t imagine the appreciation will go too deep. He’ll be no more immune than he ever was. But he doesn’t think he could ever go back to women now, and they haven’t even gotten their pants off.

 

    But it’s not really about anatomy, is it? It’s about everything _else_ . It’s about the way he and Jack can talk to each other, when he never knows how to talk to women. He thought he did, once, with Roberta, and that went so wrong, but Jack’s always been his friend, that makes a difference, too… Except it’s not just that, it’s Jack not thinking he’s a pig if he accidentally comes out with a stupid line, it’s about _Jack_ being the one to make suggestive comments about _him_ as well! It’s about Jack touching him like this and looking at him like this, meeting each other halfway. Not having to play _parts_ that reduce them to their sex. Things he’d thought he’d gotten around before, only to be dragged right back there. He doesn’t want to play games-- well, okay, there are some games he’d like to play, but that’s _different_.

 

    “I’m a little nervous.” He admits, breaking Jack from a very, _very_ focused exploration of his chest.

 

    “We’ll take it slow. I’m new to this, too.”

 

    “Oh-- no, not that. I mean… I think we can figure it out! I just-- I mean-- Jack, I don’t know what you like in bed, or what you’re like in bed. You’ve heard all my shortcomings _broadcast_.”

 

    The understanding dawns immediately, and Jack pushes himself up on one elbow, reaching to pull Victor into a very gentle and lengthy kiss.

 

    “Victor, I don’t take things your ex-wife said when she was mad at you as gospel truth.” He presses their foreheads together before letting him up again. “And I don’t think that just because things didn’t work out with a previous lover, it means they won’t be good between _us_.”

 

    “I just… you deserve so much and I-- What if I’m just… bad at it?”

 

    “Then we’ll talk and regroup and do it again. And again. And again. We’ll keep trying until we both have a good time, and then we’ll keep doing that.”

 

    “You make it sound easy.”

 

    “I think it can be.” Jack shrugs. “We both want it, we both want it to be good…”

 

    Jack has very nice shoulders, Victor’s hands move to them, massaging idly. He’s not confident… he can’t stop thinking about everything he’d heard about the message that went out over the PA system. The things that friends filled him in on apologetically, the things that people have been making fun of him for… he wishes he could just believe that he’d be good enough, Jack seems convinced and he heard everything Roberta had to say.

 

    “I haven’t been with anyone since-- well, I guess you know that.” He says, with a nervous little chuckle. “And people like to make fun, I mean… people, you know… There’s always gossip around the place, and I guess I’m it. I kind of hoped I-- with everything else, I kind of hoped I wouldn’t be interesting enough, but people still bring it up.”

 

    “Well I wish they wouldn’t do that.” Jack’s face falls into a frown, and his hands slide around to rub at Victor’s back. “Victor, there’s nothing wrong with you. And I want to be with you. And I think you’ll have a good time if you can get out of your head a little.”

 

    “You really think there’s nothing wrong with me?”

 

    “Haven’t seen anything wrong so far.” He says, eyeing Victor with an open interest that shoots through him like a bolt. _Yeah… that’s what you need a man for_.

 

    Maybe it’s easier with a man-- after all, he knows what to do with the equipment, doesn’t he?

 

    _Damn right you do, Victor_.

 

    The persistent voice in the back of his head is rarely so encouraging, but he figures he should take what he can get. He could spend an embarrassingly long time on Jack’s biceps alone. _Would it be weird to lick his arms_? _Probably it would be weird to do that, not as weird as licking an armpit and definitely not as weird as That Other Thing or maybe much, much more weird but you’ll never know if you don’t ask and you can’t ask because what if it’s all weird and what if Jack decides you are weird and what if Jack thinks That Other Thing is gross_?

 

    “I really want to pin you down and get my mouth on you.” He groans-- it comes out a little whinier than he’d like, but Jack doesn’t seem to mind that.

 

    “Okay.” His hands drop to Victor’s belt.

 

    “It is?”

 

    “That is what I was hoping for when I asked you to stay.” He smiles, slowly working the belt out of the way. _So_ slowly… All the momentum Victor’s nerves had lost him comes flooding back just at the nearness of Jack’s hands. “I’ve got condoms. In the nightstand.”

 

    “Oh.” Victor’s stomach twists, and there’s a wave of pleasure warming him that doesn’t have half as much to do with the promise of using those condoms as it does with the thought that Jack had planned for using them, with him. That Jack prepared for this. Victor is the person he’s moving on with his life with, and he and Nina couldn’t have had a whole lot of time to need condoms, what with conceiving a kid-- well, maybe, but somehow he just doesn’t imagine, really. Maybe he’s flattering himself, but Jack did _say_ he was hoping for this, planning for this. “You don’t think it’s weird?”

 

    “No.” Jack smiles, shaking his head. He starts in on Victor’s fly, also much more slowly than Victor would be moving. “I mean...I’ve never gone to bed with someone with chest hair before, but… I think I kind of like it.”

 

    He gropes Victor right through the front of his slacks, hand cupping around his half-hard cock. Pressing in gently with the heel of his hand and practically beaming when Victor can’t help rocking into his touch.

 

    “Me either. I mean, me too. I mean-- wow.” Victor shudders, leaning down to kiss Jack again. He shifts to let Jack get his pants pushed down, kicks them off before getting Jack’s off in return. Jack, already straining at his boxers… “Wow.”

 

    They get rid of that last barrier in a hurry, and Jack winds up in Victor’s arms, reaches around him to the nightstand. It’s a move that has him pressed up closer than ever, and Victor kisses him hard. Jack grabs onto him, moaning into it, box in hand, and it’s so easy… so easy to roll him onto his back and just keep kissing him, and maybe Jack was right, maybe it really is this easy to make it good.

 

    “You make my spine tingle…” He groans, nipping at Jack’s ear. “You make my mouth water, you make my palms sweat.”

 

    “Your palms feel fine to me.”

 

    “Yeah?” He gets a hand down under him, squeezing his ass. _He might say yes, not today, but another time, you could make do with lube and saran wrap and he might not think it was weird you want to_ …

 

    “Oh, better than fine.” Jack presses up against his chest gently, holding up the box from the nightstand. “Let me get the condom on-- let me take care of you?”

 

    _Take care of you when’s the last time anyone’s done that_? Victor nods, feels warm all over. _Take care of you, and it’s_ Jack _and he’s going to take_ care _of you and you can just let him do that and then you’ll be happy and then you’ll be happy, he wants to take care of you, no one’s ever, not since, not even, but he_ will _, he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it_.

 

    “What did you, uh, want to do?” He asks, rolling off of Jack to make himself more accessible, sitting with his legs spread.

 

    “I don’t know.” Jack smiles up at him, moves with him, though he doesn’t rise any further than just pushing himself up on one elbow. He takes one of Victor’s hands and slides it into his hair before he gets the condom ready. There’s something about the look in his eye that suggests he actually very much knows what he wants to do, and the slow, deliberate way he licks his lips as he holds Victor’s gaze. “What would you like me to do?”

 

    “Oh, wow… uh, yeah-- I mean, whatever you’re thinking is what I’m thinking. I think. I’ll take care of you, too.”

 

    “I know you will. Be gentle with me?”

 

    “Of course!” He nods, and something in Jack’s smile fades a little, and the look he gives Victor for just a moment is so warm and so _kind_ , before the smile comes back full-force.

 

    “Victor? Not _too_ gentle.”

 

    “ _Oh_. Okay, then. Uh, you like a little hair-pulling, or just…?”

 

    “Yeah, a little. I mean-- just don’t be nervous about it, I won’t break.” He gets himself settled, resting on Victor’s thigh. “I want you to feel comfortable grabbing me, guiding me where you want me. It doesn’t have to be rough, but… _physical_. You know?”

 

    Victor nods again. Physical sounds very good, he likes physical. He likes the idea of firm touch, of being held onto tight sometimes and being able to hold on tight-- there’s a definite bonus to being not just with a man, but with Jack… Jack, who’s not stacked with muscle or anything, but who’s at least as strong as Victor is, who’s as big as Victor is, as tall. Where Victor mostly has his thighs and his core strength, Jack has those shoulders, those strong arms-- oh, the rest of him’s not bad, but the arms, that’s where he really, really seems to shine… and the thought of being held tight in those arms on a regular basis is very attractive. Squeezed, until every bad thing goes away…

 

    “I’d like that a lot.” He says, finding his voice. “Sometimes I really need physical. I-- not just in bed, but… being held, I guess. You don’t have to be too gentle with me, either.”

 

    “Okay.” Jack says, and he wraps a hand around Victor, lowering his head. He doesn’t break eye contact, as he brings Victor’s cock to his lips. It’s a gaze that makes him feel pinned in place, and he lets out a shuddery breath as pleasure floods him, as Jack carefully uses more mouth and less hand.

 

    It’s gradual, slow… Jack takes his time with learning Victor, what he feels like, what he enjoys. Victor’s had blowjobs before, if not as many as he might have liked to have had, but he doesn’t think he’s ever had one that felt this right, this good. Never been _watched_ like this for his every reaction.

 

    Never been as close to the person doing the giving.

 

    Oh, he always felt something, sure, but then, he could convince himself he was in love if you gave him five minutes and a compliment. But Jack is different, he _knows_ Jack. They’ve spent hours together, at work and here at Jack’s apartment, sitting across from each other at the kitchen table or side by side on the sofa. They’ve worked and studied and celebrated and laughed and cried. Well… Victor’s managed to not actually cry in front of Jack, and he hasn’t actually seen Jack cry, but they’ve come close! They’ve gotten as close as Victor thinks he’s ever been to anyone, _closer, no one gets close to you, do they?_ Jack does, Jack is, Jack is here wanting to take _care_ of him, wanting to let Victor take care of him in return, and nobody’s ever…

 

    Nobody’s ever taken care of him much in any kind of way. He grew up fast, he was as much caretaker as caretaken from the age of seven on. Romance never really went his way. His friends are few and far between, and there’s a world of difference between a guy who’ll sometimes bail you out of trouble when you’re doing something together, and a person who expressly wants to do all those little things to care for you.

 

    And he _likes_ taking care of other people. He’s never minded doing it, but it’s nice to be on the other side sometimes. When Jack says ‘let me take care of you’, it doesn’t feel like he only means the blowjob.

 

    Although, the blowjob is really good.

 

    Jack slides a hand up Victor’s torso, stops to knead gently at his abs and then his chest. To card his fingers through the hair there, to thumb at a nipple. To just _touch_ him… Victor likes being just touched _so much_ , he doesn’t think he’s been touched nearly enough in his life. If Jack wants to just pet at him forever, he doesn’t think he needs to be anywhere important.

 

    He _doesn’t_ need to be anywhere important. They… they’re on _vacation_.

 

    “Oh--” He gasps, mostly because of Jack, and Jack’s mouth, and Jack’s hands, but also because they both have days off together and he’s going to take him to the beach and they’re going to have a wonderful time… then they’ll come home, shower off the salt and sand while the kiddo is asleep… try and time things, knowing he’ll wake once or twice, but they can do that…

 

    Jack _hums_ around him. It’s short, the slight inflection almost conversational, and Victor guesses humming is the only way to even try and communicate ‘was that good?’ without moving his mouth off of Victor’s cock, which he definitely does not want Jack to do, but oh…

 

    “Ohh, Jack… oh, do that again…” He groans.

 

    Jack’s eyebrows twitch upwards, but he obliges, gripping at Victor’s thighs now and sliding _up_ , and this time it’s a long, _sustained_ hum, traveling all the way to the head of his cock. He pulls off, with a wet pop, grinning at Victor.

 

    “Like that?”

 

    “Yeah, like that, please-- please don’t stop, Jack, please…”

 

    Jack leans forward, kissing a spot just below Victor’s navel. “I’m not stopping… just exploring a little.”

 

    Before Victor can put the words together to ask what, pray tell, he’s exploring, and why mid-blowjob is the time to explore it, Jack’s head is down between his thighs and his tongue is hot and wet against Victor’s balls, and there’s nothing dignified about the sound he makes, but after only getting to feel his mouth through the condom, being able to feel the full texture of his tongue, saliva-slick, nothing about the experience blunted…

 

    Not that he minds the condom, he’s never not used one, but this… Wow.

 

    “Okay, sure, yes, fine, explore.” He nods, hair flopping forward, sticking to a sweaty brow. “Ohh, Jack, Jack, Jack… I want to do such _things_ to you, oh, you don’t even know…”

 

    “Mm, tell me…” Jack kisses his inner thighs, one hand still holding him in place, the other wrapped around his cock.

 

    “Kiss you… taste you… lick you.” He admits, eyes falling closed. “All over, Jack, I mean everywhere, I mean your body is just… oh, _so_ hot, and I want it all. I want you, Jack, Jack… your arms, and your chest, and your back, and your legs, and I don’t… I mean, not everything at once, but sometime I’d like, you know… your body and my tongue and everything everywhere, is that weird?”

 

    “No.” Jack lifts his head, kisses a line up the underside of Victor’s cock. “If it is, I like it. You can do whatever you want to me, Victor, in a minute.”

 

    He takes him back in, at that, and Victor doesn’t last a whole lot longer, and he doesn’t manage any more coherent thought. Jack moves to sprawl out on the bed while Victor ditches the condom and cleans up with a tissue, and when he turns back to him…

 

    “Hubba hubba.” He crawls over to brace himself leaning just over Jack-- and he winces a little when he hears himself say it, but Jack just grins up at him, one hand lazily and loosely wrapped around his own cock.

 

    Victor kisses him, and nips at his lower lip gently, before scooting down to get ready.

 

    “I’ve never put one of these on somebody else.” He admits.

 

    “I’ve practiced, uh… putting one on a toy before. But it’s not like you do anything different, just the angle.”

 

    Victor’s brain grinds to a halt. In this context, ‘toy’ can really only mean one thing, or one class of thing, and the thought of Jack with one of those is…

 

    _Hoo boy_. There’s a very weak throb at the mental image. Jack, sweaty, back arched, toy _inserted_ , cock hard…

 

    He gets the condom rolled on-- and Jack is right, of course, it’s not hard, it’s not even that awkward, it’s not at all awkward handling him even though the angle is all different, it’s _nice_. It’s _right_.

 

    He gets used to just using his hand for a little bit, while he lets his tongue get acquainted with some other points of interest-- the tendon running down Jack’s neck, his collarbone, a nipple, a bicep… he mostly tries to keep some downward momentum, but he lets himself be distracted by any part of Jack to look lickable. Which is kind of all of him.

 

    He gets down to it at last, and looks up at Jack, and when Jack smiles at him and plays with his hair, he breaks into a grin so strong he has difficulty getting started.

 

    “Jack, I--” He shakes his head, apologetic, fights against a little laugh of pure delight. “ _Jack_. I’m just so-- I mean, you and me, like this, I--”

 

    He doesn’t know what to say. _The wrong thing, probably, it was always the wrong thing with Roberta_ , but Roberta’s not Jack, and Jack… sometimes he seems to understand, and maybe…

 

    “Victor…” He strokes his cheek, gentle. Not too gentle. “You’re… really something, you know that?”

 

    “No. Thanks? Yes.” He licks his lips, nodding. “I mean, if you mean what I mean and you feel what I feel, then-- yes. I mean, you too. You’re something. I mean, I’m-- lucky. I’m lucky I’m with you.”

 

    “Yeah. I think-- I think I feel what you feel.” Jack nods as well.

 

    _That’s_ the nicest thing Victor’s ever heard. The very thought of it is… _warm_ , it’s the warmest, strongest, happiest thought he thinks he’s ever had. The only happier thought he can think of is maybe the thought of his someday carrying the mantle of chief of surgery, and even then right now he thinks it’s kind of a tie. An established career and spending the rest of his life with Jack and raising a son together and being on the right track all around, now there’s a thought. And okay, yes, it’s ridiculously early to think about that kind of commitment, but ever since that first time Jack asked him to stay for dinner, he’s wanted it, he just never thought he could _have_ it.

 

    He covers his teeth with his lips and he gets to work doing the best job he possibly can, loses himself in it, goes until his jaw aches, holding onto Jack and just… just giving him everything that he can. That’s what he really wants, in the end, he wants to give Jack everything. He just wants to give him the world.

 

    Or at least a really good blowjob.

 

    _Or at least a really adequate blowjob_.

 

    It’s his first time doing it, he thinks he can be forgiven if this is the best he can do.

 

    His jaw is definitely sore by the time Jack’s hold on his hair tightens and he grunts and sighs and tenses and relaxes, he’s beginning to understand why Jack took a break in the middle instead of doing all his exploring up-front. But he doesn’t mind, even if grinning hurts when he does pull away at last-- and again, he can’t seem to help grinning, because he just made Jack _come_. He just did that!

 

    He flops down onto the side of the bed that seems to be not Jack’s, rolls onto his side as Jack cleans up. There’s an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach, the idea that it will all go wrong, that it can’t possibly be good, not for him… but then Jack presses close to his back, an arm wrapping tight around him, lips against the back of his shoulder.

 

    “Thanks.” Jack sighs. “For staying.”

 

    “Any time.” Victor nods, and he can’t breathe, and he might cry, and nothing, nothing in his _life_ has ever felt like this moment, like being _reached_ for and wanted and held.

 

    “In a minute I’m going to have to go wash up and put some pants on. I’ve got a spare toothbrush I can dig out for you… I might be able to lend you some sweats if you don’t like to sleep naked. But I, um… I’m just-- I’m really glad you’re here.”

 

    “I’m really glad I’m here.” Victor squeezes Jack’s hand, cuddling it up to his chest and feeling the shift in him, how strong the arm around him is, how safe it feels to be held… “Sure, lend me something. You’ve got to go back in another day before you’re free for a vacation?”

 

    “Yeah. One more day and then I guess I’m all yours…”

 

    “Lend me something to sleep in, then. So if Pete wakes up again I can take care of him and you can sleep.” He nods

 

    “Victor…”

 

    “You get your sleep. It’s okay.”

 

    “What did I do to deserve you?” Jack squeezes him tighter, and Victor can’t think of a single thing Jack’s done _other_ than deserve him, deserve to be loved in general. But he doesn’t know how to say that, doesn’t know how to do anything but bend his head to kiss the hand in his grasp, and enjoy the moment before they have to leave the bed, if just briefly.


End file.
